Teeth Whitening: A Slightly Gross History

Picture sike! This post is not actually about Zadie Smith, or her super awesome novel.

You know what I’m interested in today? The history of teeth whitening!

From an evolutionary psych perspective, I suppose we find white teeth attractive because sparkling molars are a sign of overall human health and vitality. It’s the same reason we find rosy cheeks and glossy hair attractive: no one wants to mate with someone who will potentially die in the next fortnight from rotten mouth syndrome, or any other degenerative illness for that matter. However, I’ve never given evolutionary psychology much credence. So, moving on…

Did you know, Renaissance-era barbers, who cut hair, cleaned teeth, and performed a horrible approximation of surgery, would whiten their customers’ smiles by using a metal file to pare down their teeth, and then brushing on a smudge of highly corrosive nitric acid?

First-Century Romans apparently discovered that the secret ingredient to good sparkle-making toothpaste was urine, which does in fact contain ammonia. Ammonia whitens, and urine is sterile, but I would hesitate to recommend this method.

By the way, the first bristle toothbrushes were introduced in China in the 16^th century. The bristles were made of hog’s hair. Porker’s are so versatile.

Today, teeth whiteners are the fastest growing dental product, beating out floss, I imagine, which is cheaper and possibly healthier. Ubiquitous marketing wins again!