Comic Book Encounters pt. 2

Welcome to the second half of my Free Comic Book Day review of, well, free comics. As I said last week, I got a random handful of comics that were distributed by my local comic store, Tenth Planet. I know almost nothing about comics, so consider these opinions to be those of the uninitiated. So, without further ado…

Elementals, Bill Willingham: I read “The Mean Seasons”, which is chapter 4 of the Elemental’s Natural Order storyline. It is my first exposure to the 1980’s super team series, unless you count comparable fare like the Justice League, which I don’t.

Besides, the Elementals have a pleasing B-movie seediness that the Justice League just cannot touch, even in its darker (Batman) moments.

The story begins in a blood-spattered operating room where Vortex is being sliced open by the enemy’s surgical staff. I bet you’ve never seen Superman’s innards like this (Or maybe you have. I don’t know).

I would contextualize that last paragraph better for you, but having ill-advisedly divebombed into the ass-end of the arc, I don’t really understand myself what’s going on. Here’s the condensed “Story So Far”:

The Elementals had regrouped their forces while wondering as to the whereabouts of Vortex who, unbeknownst to them, had been brutally murdered by Ratman…Saker’s troops later stormed the island where the Elementals remained. A recon team retrieved the still living remains of Vortex’s body from the tropical brush while the remaining Elementals were demolishing the attacking forces with an impressive display of power from Fathom. She was, however quickly upstaged by Saker who returned to defeat the three with a wave of his hand!

Basically, the team has been taken as war prisoners by the evil Saker. And for his part, Saker egregiously violates the Geneva Convention with impunity, as evildoers are wont to do. He tortures one of the heroes with the awesome power of his mind, and he lets Vortex go brain dead on the operating table, just to see what happens ( Vortex has super healing abilities, so he is quite sprightly within a few days). Saker also listens to Alan Parsons and knew Jesus personally (not in the way that Christians “know” Jesus personally. I quote the man himself: “This [Jesus], whose mother had borne him of a demon, was the worst of the lot. He was a rabble-rouser, a guerilla leader, and a troublemaker. He flaunted his power like some child.” Saker was not, as it turns out, a devout disciple.)

This comic coincidentally includes a heroine named Fathom, much more impressive than her previously mentioned water-tart counterpart. Unlike the other Fathom, this one has webbed feet and green skin. And yet, Fathom of the Elementals has a higher sexy factor. Why? Because she escapes captivity via a toilet.

What else? Oh, and the last page of the issue features an advertisement for Next Man. At first glance, I thought he was Robocop, and I got all excited. He is not Robocop. However, he does live inside a mechanical exoskeleton.

Elric, Chris Roberson: The Elric comics are based on Michael Moorcock’s Elric of Menibone novels, and they are straight-up fantasy. I am not, unfortunately, a fantasy person. I’ll say this, though: the visuals here are fantastic. Clearly, the artists love the material, especially Elric’s sword, which gets a fetishistic close-up every third panel.

The dialogue, I did not like. I knew there was going to be a problem when Elric’s first line included the word “forsaken.” Who talks like that? Outside of fantasy fiction? But I guess I can’t grumble about a fantasy comic being a fantasy comic.

Here’s Roberson, the writer, on his nascent childhood admiration for Moorcock’s novels: “Elric was from an alternate world that probably roasted hobbits in massive debauched occultic ceremonies.” Middle Earthling BBQ? Does it come with a side of taters?

But even I can surmise that Elric is an iconic figure. After all, Gaiman is a fan. Plus, the cover art features Elric posed with his sword in a way that Peter Jackson’s Aragorn would later retrofit for the LOTR promo posters.

Or did Elric get it from Aragorn? Meh.

Tomorrow Stories Special, Alan Moore, Steven Moore, Kevin Nowlan et al.: In my estimation, Tomorrow Stories is the perfect product for Free Comic Book Day, not because it is monetarily valueless, but because it is a satirical comic about comics. What better way to celebrate the medium?

The TSS special also happens to be my favorite of the bunch. Created by the brilliant Alan Moore, it includes such archetypical characters as the boy genius, the noir detective, the golden-age masked heroine, and the time/space adventurer. Each with their own unique storyline, I might add.

Because there are too many narratives to effectively sum up here, I leave you with some sample dialogue from Jack B. Quick, in which a boy genius creates a “sentient” robot out of a wheelbarrow and a scarecrow. Dystopian chaos ensues:

“Can machines think? I mean, not washing machines or anything. That’s just paranoid, but, you’know, theoretically? Find out, in the tragic, tormented tale of…I, Robert.”

“Jesus H. Criminy! Predictably, my artificial man has rebelled against its creator and is now stereotypically carrying off a human woman.”

“Jeepers on a crutch! My creations have formed a sinister militia!”… “Yeah, we figured they’d want to, so we dressed ‘em and wheeled ‘em out here”

“We’re sorry as heck about aidin’ our inhuman oppressors, but we got no choice!”

“How can anything resist their relentless, trundling onslaught?”

“Just maybe…we can all learn us a lesson from this worldwide catastrophe! Namely, why go looking for artificial intelligence when we already have genuine stupidity?”

I can’t decide who I love more, the overalls-clad country bumpkin boy genius, the dribbling ink-blot detective (“my fingers ran down her back, dripped off her skirt, trickled across the floor, soaked into some carpet remnants…”), the glamorous lipstick lesbian super-heroines (“hold me close, Clarice, my Angel! Unless we discover why today’s important by midnight, we’ll be naked in the rough hands of destiny”), or the mysterious Greyshirt vigilante and his alphabetical primer (“C’s children clutching their comic-book fare; the creator who crafts it with consummate care”).

All in all, Free Comic Book Day was a great experience for me. So much so, that what was supposed to be a short post turned into two rather long articles. If I get the opportunity, and the cash, I would at least purchase back issues of The Elementals, Tomorrow Stories, and perhaps Locke & Key. For now, I’ll just hold on to what I have, shall I?